Who knew that greasy, deep-fried and unhealthy food has the power to cultivate some of life’s purest, most beautiful moments?
Well, most of us!
So I invited some StepUP students to join me at Hennepin Avenue’s infamous Uptown Diner. On the days leading up to that Friday evening, I was reminding people to, “show up!” One of my fears, as an alcoholic (or as a human), is being lonely. And let me tell you, I was NOT about to enjoy a big, fat, juicy, magical, gorgeous… well, you get the point… cheeseburger all by my lonesome.
Friday afternoon, I set an alarm on my phone for 6:15 PM. This was the, “get in your car and drive to the diner” reminder. I arrived early – I thought it may have been busy, difficult to find a big enough table, etc. Bottom line, I wanted to hold down the fort. And I did just that. For forty-five minutes I sat alone in the empty diner. It was completely unnecessary to have gotten there early. I was seated in the back – the twenty-foot-long booth swallowed up my single body. Every fifteen minutes or so, the server would circle back to see if my “friends” had arrived. He was dismissed each round by my sad, sad eyes. Yeah, I didn’t put the quotation marks around “friends” by mistake, people.
Finally, I saw a recognizable car! I became excited. I was hungry. I watched my friend get out of his car, circle around to the front of the restaurant and disappear. That’s right, he walked right past the diner. Come to find out later, he had been distracted by the bubble tea shop and decided to treat himself.
After what felt like forever, the giant booth started to fill. I was greeted with warm hellos, big smiles, and laughter. The table was vibrant. Many of us were still dazed and giddy from a much-needed spring break. We chatted about the events that had taken place during the week of no school – where we went, what we did (if anything), and whether or not we had enjoyed ourselves. One student had just purchased her first car, others had just returned from New York, and a few of us stayed in Minneapolis.
The NY trip was described as, “bittersweet.” How could a vacation to New York be bitter? Well, last year wasn’t an easy one for StepUP. We had a student pass away. From what I understand, it was a heart condition. His death took many by surprise and resulted in a lot of sorrow. I’ve never lost anyone close to me and can only imagine the feelings that accompany an event as life-changing as death. Throughout my life I’ve only ever been able to witness those feelings, to observe them and sympathize for the people directly affected. Over and over again, I see the tears, the pain, the confusion, the anger and the resentment towards whatever/whomever is responsible. It seems dark. Isolating. But the gray never lasts. The sadness begins to falter. Celebration of their loved one’s life begins to overshadow it.
Memories are collected and shared with one another. These remembrances seem to fill the mourning with a sense of peace, if not everlasting, then temporary, and maybe just enough to keep them pushing forward. I think I understand why the NY trip was bittersweet. It probably sucks to have to face the fact that someone you care about is gone. It probably brings a person back to the moment it first happened and the awful feelings that accompanied it. But maybe it’s sweet because new relationships are formed with other friends and family of the one you lost. You might cry with them one minute and laugh with with them another because you remembered, “that one time…” It’s bittersweet.
I’d hate to get all cheesy and relate all of this back to StepUP but I’m going to because I believe in it. I think that the trip to New York symbolizes something really special about this program. It demonstrates the closeness of relationships that are possible within it’s walls – not only student to student but student to staff as well. After StepUP lost a student, Patrice, the director of the program, was there for those affected by it most. When the student passed away, she went with a group of his closest friends to visit his family out in New York. She dropped everything – her meetings, appointments, conference calls – everything, to be there for the students of StepUP. This program truly does care.
You don’t have to look hard to discover the truth in that statement.
When I suggested the (great) idea of going to Uptown Diner, StepUP gave me a generous amount of money to pay for everyone’s meals. There we were, a bunch of recovering addicts/alcoholics whose relationships with one another is a direct result of being in StepUP, conversing, BS-ing, joking, taking Snapchats of one another, and exchanging bites of food. How beautiful is that? And it’s all thanks to StepUP. There I was, with a hunk of chewed up beef in my mouth, feeling so grateful to be a part of something this spiritual.
Upon this realization, I began to feel guilty for letting impatience consume me earlier that night. Within the past few months my life has been screaming, “be present, you selfish butthead!” But it’s a lot easier said than done. Maybe getting to a point where I can finally choose to be present beings with a couple of beautiful moments in a diner with good friends, food and the understanding of life’s limited time.
How could I not end this blog post with a fast-food chain slogan? “Life is short… Stay awake for it.”
A post by Claire F., our new student worker!